Let me introduce myself to you. I am a young girl who likes to write and I will be documenting my experiences and sharing my thoughts with you, both good and bad. I typically spend most of my days indoors, except when I go to work. I don't have a lot of friends, but I do have a few.
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Sometimes, I wish I was part of a dynamic duo like Cher and Dionne, Romy and Michele, or Gayle and Oprah, but I haven't had a bestfriend since I was about seven or eight. However, I am optimistic that I will find someone who I can call my best friend. I know that when I do find that bestie of mine, she will be a very good friend to me. I know that she will share my values and principles, and we might even just happen to have the same random preferences, like preferring dark chocolate over milk chocolate, lol!
I think what makes adult friendships difficult, apart from people's busy schedules is that when people have their friends they don't see any point making any new friends. Some people are so lucky that they have friends from kindergarten that they have grown up with, but for people like me who moved schools quite a bit, that is not my reality. And sometimes, when I make new friends, I might think of them as a good friend, but I later find out that they might think of me only as a casual friend, based on how I see them interact with their other friends, who they invite to their intimate birthday dinners, etc. I struggle to accept the fact that I am not as much of a priority to some people as much as they are to me, and that makes me want to end the friendship altogether, which I have done in the past. I just slowly distance myself from the person. The truth is, sometimes, even if you are a good friend, you might not be up there in a person's friendship hierarchy. The people who they've grown up with may be higher priority than you, and it makes sense as to why people would reward those who have been loyal to them, but it sucks feeling like a second option friend.
I used to see people in friend groups, and think to myself what it's like to be in one. I don't think I have particularly envied people in friend groups, but sometimes when I go out alone to eat and I see a group of people seated at a table and eating, laughing, talking, I become suddenly aware that I am by myself. I mean, I knew I was by myself before, but now I am even more aware. However, I don't think I want to be in a friend group, unless it's a four person friend group, a friend group with two sets of besties— my bestie and I, and another girl with her bestie— and of course we are all friends with each other. The thing with large friend groups is, if you are part of them, you don't get to choose all your friends, some of your friends are chosen for you. You might not even like some people in the group, but since you are part of the same group, you don't have a choice but to hang out with them. People are also more likely to gossip about each other in large friend groups. Some people think gossiping is part of life, but I wouldn't be able to stand it if someone who I considered my friend talked badly about me behind my back.
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I think when it comes to making friends it all comes down to principles and who you enjoy spending time with. If I liked someone's personality, but there was something that was a big deal to me that we disagreed on, I don't think I will call that person might friend. I know I am an idealistic person, so there are certain things I'm unwilling to compromise on. Some people are so lucky that they find people who share the same world view as them, and they complement various aspects of their personality. I hope to find friends that can help me on the journey of this thing called life.